Chapter 51
Jiang Shangwan had never imagined that one day she would experience symptoms of depression.
At first, she had trouble sleeping, finding it hard to rest peacefully and falling asleep. Slowly, she began to breathe rapidly, lose hair, and her appetite gradually disappeared. She no longer wanted to do anything. Aside from worrying about whether Shi Yu’s condition had improved, she had no interest in anything else. She even asked her second uncle to temporarily handle Jiang’s business affairs, attend events, and monitor project progress, only taking responsibility for signing important documents.
Later on, she began to resist going out, not wanting to talk or interact with people. She didn’t even want to reply to messages on WeChat. Every day, she would hold Shi Yu, cling to him, and watch all kinds of variety shows and movies together. Then, she started experiencing cold sweats and uncontrollable trembling of her fingers, frequently waking up in the middle of the night, only to find she had slept for just a few minutes.
Shi Yu’s sleeping hours grew longer and longer, sometimes sleeping for 20 hours a day. Jiang Shangwan worried that his bodily functions would continue to deteriorate, but the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong. They only said it might still be the lingering effects of the previous nerve damage.
Shen Luo was persistent in sending Jiang Shangwan messages, and finally, on one particular day, she responded.
Jiang Shangwan: 【Shi Yu has been sick for over a year, and he hasn’t recovered. I’m the one who made him sick.】
【…If he’s sick, then get him treated. What are you doing shutting yourself in like this?】
【It can’t be treated.】
Jiang Shangwan felt deeply powerless. Not only had her hearing not recovered, but even her ability to speak hadn’t improved. He still had to rely on a hearing aid to help with hearing, and his voice could only produce a few simple syllables. Moreover, he gradually spoke less and less, even trying to make sounds less frequently.
【It’s no surprise that you’re depressed like this. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you in a public place. Go out for a walk, clear your mind. Maybe his condition will improve a little. Get moving, go get some sunshine.】
Jiang Shangwan hesitated and replied: 【Where to?】
【It’s early April, right? Isn’t it cherry blossom season in Japan? Send me Shi Yu’s passport, and I’ll get tickets and book a hotel for both of you.】
…
Shen Luo acted quickly. After handling the visa, he booked the nearest flight, and before they knew it, they had landed at Osaka Kansai International Airport.
Jiang Shangwan personally chose the clothes for Shi Yu, holding onto his sleeve while he pulled her suitcase. They passed by the signs of Starbucks and Lawson, walking together to the pick-up platform to wait.
Shi Yu hooked his hand into hers, slowly writing in her palm: “It’s cold. Wear more.”
Jiang Shangwan understood what he meant. He was telling her that Osaka was colder than Jiangcheng, and she should wear more. She was only wearing a thin jacket.
“It’s okay,” Jiang Shangwan whispered, “we’ll be at the pick-up soon, and we can change into thicker coats at the hotel.”
They had a smooth journey and arrived at the hotel. Shi Yu sat on the edge of the bed, feeling unusually good. He wasn’t in a deep sleep, his eyes were bright as he watched Jiang Shangwan change clothes, his gaze tracing her slender waist and full hips.
Jiang Shangwan turned to look at him and, seeing him staring, smiled softly, “Do you want to change too?”
He shook his head.
Jiang Shangwan walked over and gently kissed his cheek. “It’s only afternoon. Let’s go for a walk nearby.”
They passed by the Osaka Prefectural Police Headquarters, and in the distance, they could already see people gathering in a designated direction.
“This is where Hattori Heiji’s father works in Detective Conan. Just ahead is Osaka Castle Park.”
Shi Yu wrote back to her: “Mm, I’ve seen it.”
Jiang Shangwan affectionately linked her arm with his, and they walked to where the crowd was gathering. There was a long river, with a tall building on the opposite bank. The sides of the river were lined with rows of densely packed cherry trees. Large clusters of pink and white cherry blossoms bloomed brilliantly in the sunlight, gently swaying with the breeze.
Petals danced in the wind, drifting like snowflakes, falling gracefully among the countless pedestrians. This was the famous cherry blossom “snow,” something that countless people traveled thousands of miles to see.
Jiang Shangwan reached out to catch a small petal that fell, remembering how, once, she and Shi Yu had done the same in Haishi, catching snowflakes. The difference was that the snowflakes melted in her palms.
She slipped the petal into Shi Yu’s hand. “Isn’t it beautiful here?”
He nodded, the corners of his lips curling up slightly.
— Very beautiful.
They stopped in the middle of the river path, watching the flowing water below shimmer in a unique turquoise hue, clear and bright. Fallen petals had gathered at the edge of the river, reflecting the sunlight and shining with a golden glow.
A white man, beaming with a smile, approached them and started a conversation in English: “Hi, are you Korean?”
“No.” Jiang Shangwan decisively denied it. “We are Chinese.”
“Sorry.” He was holding a camera, still smiling. “I saw you standing here, and it was so beautiful, such a perfect match. The cherry blossoms make it look like a painting. Could I take a photo of you?”
Jiang Shangwan turned to look at Shi Yu. With his nod and the slightly expectant look in his eyes, she received his silent approval.
“Okay.”
They were both wearing matching dark blue coats. Jiang Shangwan leaned into Shi Yu’s embrace, casually pulling off the hairband that was holding her hair up, letting her long hair fall loosely down her back. His hand rested on her waist, gently holding her.
Jiang Shangwan smiled at the camera, while he lowered his gaze to look at her.
“You two are as beautiful as models. Are you really models? And your English is so fluent.”
Jiang Shangwan shook her head. “No.”
Before leaving, the man sent the digital version of the photo via wireless transfer to Jiang Shangwan, and she saved it to her album. She stared at the photo for a while, the cherry blossoms bathed in sunlight behind them, and she and Shi Yu close together.
She thought they did indeed look like a perfect match.
They strolled along the river path, the leisurely walk easing the tension that had built up in Jiang Shangwan’s heart for so long. She felt the warmth of the sunlight on her skin, a gentle breeze brushing against her face, and saw many people around her taking pictures in traditional kimonos, their faces beaming with ease and happiness.
In this short time, it felt as though she had been healed.
Shi Yu took her hand and suddenly spoke, “Wanwan.”
His voice was slow, but clear enough. Jiang Shangwan’s whole body shuddered. “You… you can speak now?”
Shi Yu stopped walking, and they stood beneath the cherry blossom tree, looking at each other. He gently held her hand, his expression tender as he gazed at her. “Wanwan, you… should be happy.”
“Don’t… worry about me.”
Jiang Shangwan’s eyes suddenly stung, and tears almost uncontrollably fell. Her vision blurred with tears. Shocked, Shi Yu quickly wiped away her tears and hurriedly said, “Don’t… cry.”
Jiang Shangwan, unable to stop the tears, still spoke with a smile in her voice, her joy almost impossible to suppress. “This is so good. You can finally speak!”
It had been nearly a year and a half. She didn’t even know how she had endured. Every day, she hoped he would improve, but there was no sign of it. Her hope turned to disappointment again and again.
“I’ve always… felt that you weren’t happy,” Shi Yu lowered his eyes, hiding the sorrow and sadness in his gaze. “It’s all my fault.”
Jiang Shangwan covered her mouth and nose, trying to hold herself together. If she had to describe how suffocating the past year had been, this moment of release felt like complete happiness. “As long as you’re getting better…”
Shi Yu cautiously took off his hearing aid and listened to the sounds of the world around him. No longer silence, he could hear some noisy voices, conversations, and laughter.
Jiang Shangwan carefully asked, “Can you hear, Shi Yu?”
“Mm.” Shi Yu smiled and pointed at his ear. “I can hear, just a little bit.”
Jiang Shangwan almost threw herself into his arms, wiping her tears on his clothes. She hugged his waist tightly, her voice muffled as she said, “I’ve really been going crazy. Do you know how long I’ve waited for you? So long that I thought you’d never get better. It’s my fault that you’re like this, but you don’t blame me at all.”
After losing his hearing and his voice, he had never shown even the slightest hint of disgust or hatred toward her, which made Jiang Shangwan feel even more guilty. Despite the fact that she had used every means to hurt him, causing him such pain, he never once resented her.
Shi Yu gently patted her back with his palm, again and again. “Wanwan, you’re the best.”
Jiang Shangwan wiped away her tears and lifted her head. She turned away, there were too many people here, and many eyes were directed their way. They seemed to easily become the center of attention in the crowd. Shi Yu pulled her forward to a different spot to stay.
“Can you now hear people talking normally without the hearing aid? If you can hear some voices, wouldn’t it be uncomfortable to amplify the sound with the hearing aid?”
“Mm.” Shi Yu took off his hearing aid and put it in his bag. “It’s fine now.”
Jiang Shangwan felt as though her heart had been enveloped by a tidal wave, joy exploding in her chest. “How did it suddenly get better? It’s so sudden.”
“I don’t know.” Shi Yu said. “Just now, suddenly, I really wanted to call your name, Wanwan.”
His speech was becoming clearer and clearer, his pace slowly picking up. Even his aphasia seemed to be breaking its seal, gradually loosening and recovering.
At this moment, Jiang Shangwan almost wanted to bow to Shen Luo. His suggestion had truly been incredibly useful. She hadn’t left the house in a year, and she came out this time with a sense of resignation, thinking it wouldn’t matter. But unexpectedly, Shi Yu really had improved.
Her eyes stung again, and she almost cried. Shi Yu spoke first: “Wanwan, don’t cry. I will definitely get better.”
In the evening, they walked around Shinsaibashi. Jiang Shangwan bought some skincare products and clothes. When the cashier handed her the shopping bag with both hands, she gently said in English, “I wish you and your lover a pleasant trip in Osaka.”
Jiang Shangwan’s heart stirred, and she was about to speak when Shi Yu’s clear voice already answered, “Thank you for your blessing.”
They held hands as they walked out of the store, weaving through the crowd. Shi Yu’s soft voice spoke again: “Wanwan, are we still considered to be broken up?”
At that moment, the noise of the crowd filled the air, but all Jiang Shangwan could hear was his continuous, smooth voice.
She stopped in her tracks, feeling deeply thankful to God. She had finally waited for the day Shi Yu recovered. Otherwise, the rest of her life would have felt like a puppet’s, trapped in endless regret and guilt.
“Break up? We’re holding hands, my lover.”